Facebook Status
by Tarafina
Summary: Noah "Puck" Puckerman is in a relationship. – The Gleeks have questions.


**Title**: Facebook Status  
**Category**: Glee  
**Genre**: Humor/Friendship/Romance  
**Ship**: Rachel/Puck, mentions of Tina/Mike  
**Rating**: Teen  
**Warning(s)**: Coarse Language, Sexual Innuendo  
**Word Count**: 2,025  
**Summary**: Noah "Puck" Puckerman is in a relationship. – The Gleeks have questions.

_**Facebook Status  
**_-1/1-

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman** is in a relationship.  
_Mike "Ninja" Chang, Matt Rutherford and Rachel Barbra Berry _likes this.

**Finn Hudson**: what? since when?

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: You been hacked, Whiteboy?

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Orgies aren't relationships, Puck.

**Santana Lopez**: The fuck, Puckerman?

**Quinn Fabray**: I'm w/ Mercedes. He must've been hacked… Or lobotomized.

**Finn Hudson**: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: The sheer number of question marks was overkill, Finn. And are you questioning Noah's status or the meaning of lobotomized?

**Finn Hudson**: uh… both?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Knew it! Mattie owes me 20 bucks!

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: You knew? Why didn't I know?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: uh… bro code?

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: Two words… Cut. Off.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Aww, come on, bb! Don't be hatin' on your ninja!

**Sam "Navi" Evans**: Wait? This why you turned down Avatar and Halo? What happened to bros over hoes?

**Finn Hudson**: HEY! Why wasn't I invited? I like Halo! … What's Avatar?

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: I told you Sam, stop trying to bring Avatar to Guys Night… It's the one night we pretend we're not all geeks.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Imma Gleek… or Glock… not a geek, Abrams.

**Brittney S. Peirce**: Guns aren't safe, Mike. My uncle shot his thumb off and now he has a toe on his hand… I call him Stubby.

**Finn Hudson**: How'd he shoot his THUMB off?

**Brittney S. Pierce**: With a gun.

**Sam "Navi" Evans**: What? Am I the only one lost on the gun thing?

**Santana Lopez**: glock = gun duh!

**Sam "Navi" Evans**: Ohhhh…

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Other Asian, who's Puck dating?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: bro code, dudes and dudettes. Can't say.

**Santana Lopez**: Bullshit! Fess up Chang or Goth-Asian will be the least of your problems!

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: GULP! … not.

**Quinn Fabray**: Srsly. Who is it?

**Matt Rutherford**: 20? Fuck, I thought we agree on 10!

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: One of his favored cougars, perhaps? So cliché. And illegal. (not surprising)

**Finn Hudson**: Most of them have husbands… doubt it.

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: Cheerio?

**Quinn Fabray**: They'd be bragging. We'd know.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Why are you all so suspicious? I think it's good for Noah, he deserves to be in a committed relationship.

**Santana Lopez**: ROFLMAO! Committed? Yeah right!

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: I'm tell all of you right now, he has a harem he's 'committed' to...

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: Lucky bastard.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I think you're all underestimating him.

**Quinn Fabray**: We don't care what you think, Mahands.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Don't punk out on me, Mattie! It was 20!

**Brittney S. Peirce**: I know somebody who sells magical beans for $20 – mine haven't grown yet. :(

**Santana Lopez**: Oh Britt… *face-palm*

**Matt Rutherford**: I'm not punking. I'll send your $$ - you can get Tina all she can eat dim sum!

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Bitch!

**Brittney S. Peirce**: You shouldn't call Tina names, Mike. That's mean.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: WHAT? I wasn't!

**Matt Rutherford**: LOL!

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: Yeah, Mike. I'm seriously offended.

**Finn Hudson**: ?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: It's sarcasm, Finn.

**Finn Hudson**: Oh… Hey, anybody know where Puck's at? He's not answering his phone.

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Tending to his harem's needs?

**Brittney S. Pierce**: San, am I part of Puck's harem?

**Santana Lopez**: No, Britt, you're Wheels one woman harem.

**Brittney S. Peirce**: Cool!

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: Very.

**Matt Rutherford**: Since when?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Awhile. Forgot to tell you.

**Matt Rutherford**: cyber-five, Abrams! Props!

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: *bows* Thank you.

**Brittney S. Peirce**: How did you bow sitting down? I just tried…

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: Practice, Britt.

**Brittney S. Pierce**: Oh. Ok. Will you show me?

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: Sure. ;)

**Quinn Fabray**: So wait… Matt knows too?

**Matt Rutherford**: Yup.

**Santana Lopez**: SPILL!

**Finn Hudson**: Imma bro… why didn't I know?

**Finn Hudson**: Hey! That rhymed!

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: You can't keep a secret.

**Brittney S. Pierce**: I like secrets! Can I know?

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Why's it a secret? He embarrassed?

**Matt Rutherford**: If he was, he wouldn't change his fb status…

**Quinn Fabray**: So how long has he been 'in a relationship' then?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: If I'm right – and I got 20 bucks that says I am – 3 months!

**Santana Lopez**: Yeah fucking right!

**Quinn Fabray**: 3 WEEKS, maybe. Believable. Months? I'm with San.

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: I thought Asians were supposed to be GOOD at math.

**Sam "Navi" Evans**: uh, why is this surprising?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Because according to the scarred women of Noah's past, he is incapable of a committed, long-term relationship. Apparently, because their emotional growth is stunted, they expect the same of him.

**Santana Lopez**: The only stunted one is YOU, Midget!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Clever, Santana. How very unexpected.

**Finn Hudson**: CAT FIGHT!

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Not as exciting on FB.

**Matt Rutherford**: You girls should meet up, let out your frustrations, lose some clothes… Set up a camera, Mikey!

**Sarah Puckerman**: You guys are all idiots. No wonder my brother doesn't bring you home.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: LITTLE PUCK!

**Sarah Puckerman**: I'M NOT LITTLE! I'm almost 13!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Sarah, you're eleven…

**Sarah Puckerman**: Which is 2 away from 13! Closer than YOU!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: You're just as antagonistic as your brother.

**Sarah Puckerman**: Hells yeah I am!

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: gasp! I'm telling your brother you swore, Lil' P!

**Sarah Puckerman**: 1. it was on his FB, he knows. And 2. he'd congratulate me.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Sadly, the second part is correct.

**Sarah Puckerman**: :P

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Since when does Puck have a sister?

**Sarah Puckerman**: Since 11 years ago, Beyonce!

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Disturbing… She sounds just like him.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Despite current appearances, she's much nicer than you might think.

**Sarah Puckerman**: Don't ruin my rep, Rach!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I repeat… You. Are. Eleven.

**Sarah Puckerman**: Gotta start early.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: You've been spending entirely too much time with Noah. Girls night Saturday?

**Sarah Puckerman**: No nail polish and you have to wear pants – those are my conditions.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: *sigh* I'll cope.

**Santana Lopez**: WTF?

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: I'm coming! Facials for ALL!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: This means I have to Kurt-proof my closet… :(

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: *cackles*

**Brittney S. Pierce**: Cankles are gross. Like, where does the ankle GO?

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: … uh… Santana?

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: I'm coming too, Rachel. My Saturday is suddenly free.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Baby…? What happened to True Blood marathon?

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: You're still cut off!

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: But I didn't LIE! I just… um… Legs? Help me out here!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I sincerely wish you would stop referring to me by that sexist title, Michael. Putting that aside, however, I believe the excuse you are looking for is that you 'omitted certain facts.'

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Yeah, that! Thanks Legs! ;)

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: Same diff. Rach – should I bring anything?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Pixies Sticks, if you please.

**Tina Cohen-Chang**: ?

**Finn Hudson**: ?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: ?

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: ?

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: ?

**Sarah Puckerman**: SCORE!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: You have a limit of 2, Sarah!

**Sarah Puckerman**: LAME!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: But smart… And safe.

**Finn Hudson**: ?

**Santana Lopez**: How the hell do you know Puck's sister, Treasure Trail?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: JCC, mostly.

**Finn Hudson**: Srsly. Wutsup with the pixie sticks?

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: ^^^ What he said.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I'll explain Saturday, Kurt.

**Finn Hudson**: :( No fair.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Simply put, Sarah gets hyper easily. Pixie Sticks are to Sarah what labels are to Kurt.

**Finn Hudson**: Ooooh! I get it!

**Quinn Fabray**: Before their parents got together, he SO wouldn't have gotten that.

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: I'm flattered he does now.

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Am I the only one still wondering who Puck's been lobotomized for?

**Finn Hudson**: SRSLY! ?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: A lobotomy is a surgical procedure on the brain that subsequently causes the patient to act dull, lacking previous personality traits, Finn. They were using it to suggest a change in Noah regarding his status. To admit to everybody that he's in a relationship means it's serious and that's uncharacteristic of him.

**Finn Hudson**: Oh, so like… Wait... He's in love?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Totes!

**Sarah Puckerman:** Yup! :D

**Matt Rutherford**: Worth the 20 bucks.

**Santana Lopez**: Not convinced.

**Quinn Fabray**: Ditto.

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Must see to believe.

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Same boat.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: What the fuckity fuck, fuckers? Had my phone off. Got like a hundred fucking updates. Don't you glosers have lives?

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: It's a harem, right? Prove me right!

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Hacked or lobotomy?

**Santana Lopez**: Again – THE FUCK PUCK?

**Finn Hudson**: How come I didn't know?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Congrats on the status change, dude!

**Matt Rutherford**: Dude, you cost me $20

**Sam "Navi" Evans**: Halo this Sat? No Avatar, swear!

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: Smooth, Sam…

**Brittney S. Pierce**: Can I come play Halo?

**Artie "Wheels" Abrams**: It's a boys night, Brit. I'm sure if you ask Rachel, you can go to her girls night.

**Brittney S. Pierce**: Can I have pixie sticks?

**Santana Lopez**: NO! You remember last time, Britt?

**Brittney S. Pierce**: Yeah… my neighbor said she'd call the cops next time… She's mean.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Explain!

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: Half this shit isn't even about me. Go talk on your own page, bitches.

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: How rude.

...

**Rachel Barbra Berry** is in a complicated relationship.

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Not St. Berry 2.0, please!

**Santana Lopez**: Dating yourself doesn't make it complicated, manhands, just fucked up.

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Who?

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: Not sure I should Like this…

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: the FUCK, berry?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I'm just being honest, Noah.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: Pushy's more like it.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I guarantee that if I'm forced to change my status again, you WON'T like it.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: So do something I will like. ;)

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Pig.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: BAMF pig.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: I'm rolling my very expressive eyes at you.

**Finn Hudson**: ?

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: srsly, Berry, change you status!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Not until you correct yours.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: Later. You first.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: No.

**Finn Hudson**: So who's the dude? How complicated?

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: RACHEL!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: Green isn't an attractive color, Noah.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: The fuck?

**Noah "Puck Puckerman**: Looked it up. And I am NOT!

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: If you say so.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: It's not complicated, Berry! Girl meets Hot Jew. Hot Jew pops Girls cherry. Girls falls in love. Hot Jew gets awesome sex – often – and cookies. Legit! Awesome fucking deal.

**Finn Hudson**: I like cookies… Can I have some?

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: No! Fuck you. Get your own fucking girlfriend!

**Finn Hudson**: …?

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: If I remember correctly, it goes: Girl meets Boy. Boy slushies Girl because Boy is immature. Girl hates Boy. Boy joins glee. Boy dates Girl. Girl dumps Boy. Boy moves on and on and on, etc. Boy comes back to Girl. Boy flirts with Girl – sings to Girl – woos Girl. Girl gives in. Girl and Boy date (again) in secret. Girls want to go public. Boy changes facebook status but keeps it mysterious. Girl is not happy. Girl says things are complicated. Boy gets mad. Boy gets jealous. Boy begs for forgiveness. Boy changes status. Girl is happy. Boy and Girl live happily ever after. The end.

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: totally left out all the sexy times. My versions better.

**Rachel Barbra Berry**: NOAH!

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: Fine, whatever, Crazy.

**Mike "Ninja" Chang**: WPPSH!

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman**: Fuck you, Jackie Chan!

...

**Noah "Puck" Puckerman** is in a relationship with **Rachel Barbra Berry**.  
_Matt Rutherford, Mike "Ninja" Chang, and Rachel Barbra Berry like this._

**Rachel Barbra Berry** is in a relationship with **Noah "Puck" Puckerman**.  
_Noah "Puck Puckerman, Matt Rutherford, Mike "Ninja" Chang, and Rachel Barbra Berry like this._

**Kurt "Fabulous" Hummel**: Puckleberry sequel = totes better that St. Berry 2.0

**Mercedes "Diva" Jones**: Word.

[**End.**]


End file.
